It’s a full-time job pondering the meaning of life. Everyone needs a break. There’s an Old World tavern tucked away down Temecula Parkway, where one can relax, have a beer and clear his mind. Often, it’s those unsuspecting moments when he finds the answer staring him directly in the face.

A Temecula tavern continues to pile on the talent as it prepares to spill over into larger quarters.

And it does so on Thursday nights, which is not typically known as an entertainment highpoint in southwest Riverside County.

On a recent Thursday night, Master Splinter and the Shredders (MSATS) served as the house band at Barley & Hops Olde World Family Tavern while Tawnie and the Replaceables nailed the back-up role.

Owner Scott Salmonsen claimed days when the bands aren’t playing, life at the tavern is pretty calm.

In the next couple months, Barley & Hops will be expanding.

"We will be taking the building next door, which has never been occupied" said Salmonsen. "Right now, we aren’t fully equipped for live music, but once we finish, there will be more entertainment extended through the weekend."

Salmonsen opened the tavern almost two years ago after to moving to Temecula to help his brother take care of his child. They live in a condo not too far from the tavern.

He said patrons never get in fights at his establishment. It’s just the opposite of one of those places, one reason being there is no hard liquor.

With a bar top stretching for miles and a parallel center island, steady wooden stools, thick dining tables, chairs and an outside patio, hip young scenesters, smartly dressed older adults, the in-between years, all mingle a mix of mellow and verve.

Cloaked in an Old World European style, the joint serves more than 200 different draught and bottled beers from Ireland, England, Belgium, the Netherlands, Czech Republic, America, Scotland, Denmark and Germany.

To Salmonsen, any ole beer can wash away the stresses of a hard day’s work, but a spot of Chimay Premiere Red from Belgium is more than just a cold one. Barley & Hops attempts to do their European brethren justice.

The staff are said to not only be knowledgeable in drink but trained in proper glass washing, storage, pouring and service as well.

It may take longer to receive a Guinness, but customers will appreciate a perfect head in the long run.

The tavern serves soups, stews, pot pies, casseroles, sandwiches, pizzas and more. Some items begin slow cooking in the morning and many dishes are made-to-order as required.

Every Thursday at 9 p.m. MSATS stirs up some noise with an opening guest band to get the party started.

"Hefe Nights" will be July 16 through 19. The tavern will have two American, two Belgian and two German Hefeweizens on tap, plus many more in the bottle.

There will be a "Stone Week" in August. The Second Annual Hopfest is in September and it’s all over the following month when Oktoberfest rolls around.

Visit www.barleyandhopheads.com for further details on upcoming and ongoing events.

They are open for lunch, dinner and late night dining seven days a week from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m.

The tavern is at 31045 Temecula Pkwy in Temecula on the southeast corner of Jedidiah Smith, one traffic light past Pechanga Pkwy when heading east.

Call the them directly at (951) 303-0333 for reservations and additional information.

The Valley is doomed!

Master Splinter and the Shredders (MSATS) is not just a band name. Singer Sal Spinelli is Master Splinter.

But he isn’t the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle’s kind martial arts teacher the world once came to know and love so well.

He has joined three Shredder clones in a local cover band on an evil havoc-wreaking mission.

Master Splinter created this secret identity in order to avoid being the ridicule of a "Where are they now?" documentary.

The Shredders agreed to comply as long as Splinter never went soft again. With Splinter joining their dark force, they have become ridiculously powerful.

The clones have been living as Brennan Kilpatrick, Ryan Kilpatrick and Nate Falzone.

Shredder clones can’t keep a secret. Once people knew three of them were living in this part of the country, the red flags went up.

Since Splinter wasn’t giving them enough solo time, they willingly revealed his true identity, and those who rat out a rat gain special musical powers that lay dormant and often never surface unless something really ironic happens.

Extended individual jams pretty much fell in their laps due to becoming such strong players.

MSATS seems to be just a bunch of ordinary young men looking to have a good time and play some most excellent rock and roll.

But the evil band of ninjas’ ultimate goal is to destroy all patrons at Barley & Hops, where they continue to play every Thursday at 9 p.m.

During one of their regular gigs on June 18, the foursome vaporized several hundred people by channeling a lethal dose of 1970s ruckus. It was for the best.

Spinelli is sneaky, though.

He’ll take Led Zeppelin, and the minute a person has a reason to live, Spinelli kills him with a "Rebel Yell" death grip.

Black Sabbath, Metallica, AC/DC and especially Journey cause fans who don’t even know each other, who aren’t even on the same side of the room, to lock eyes, nod, smile and, when the moment is right, communicate telepathically an enthusiastic, often profane expression of joy, as in "#@$% yeah!"

Spinelli will claim to be just an average liberal expressionist, but that doesn’t mean his agenda is harmless.

Through his music and films, Splinter surfaces to psychologically distort unsuspecting minds by asking hard-to-answer philosophical questions like "Why are we here?"

Fans of MSTS do not care if their lives are in jeopardy. They love the thrill of not knowing if they are going to make it out alive or not.

To find out where else MSATS will be playing, visit www.myspace.com/mastersplinter

andtheshredders08.

Scientists discover particle of Tawnie floating in their dreams

The truth is I’ve never fooled anyone. I’ve let people fool themselves. They didn’t bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me.

I wouldn’t argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn’t. When they found this out, they would blame me for disillusioning them – and fooling them.

– Marilyn Monroe

Last Thursday, Tawnie Gadban sang the Ramones song "Beat on the Brat" with the kind of authority one would need to not be the actual brat being beaten.

She could easily be pigeonholed by musically ignorant robots as a Gwen Stefani wannabe, but honestly, Tawnie is fresh, which makes her more interesting by default.

Her band, Tawnie and the Replaceables, includes Matthew Turek on guitar, Paul Bahoo on bass and Dan Bahoo on drums.

Turek and Paul are good sidekicks to have up front, because they’re seemingly comfortable and show their goddess leader some love by figuratively raising her on a pedestal with the face of their guitars.

The guys wear mellow smirks on their James Dean baby faces, making them strangely irreplaceable.

Tawnie loves sunflowers and red lipstick, black nail polish and Elvis Presley. And the 22-year-old, who resides in Temecula via Never Never Land, is a punk rock Barbie Doll that needs her microphone sound-checked twice and sound-checked again just to make sure her rendition of Rancid’s "Ruby Soho" or other Hellcat Records songs aren’t drowned out by instrumentals.

But who is Tawnie, really? What part of her was in those dreams? Unfortunately, I didn’t get to interview her for this issue. In the future, I hope we can sit down and talk.

Particles are just so small.